A thought on sexuality
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Men and women are different. Anyone with eyes to see knows that men and women are biologically and spiritually different from one another. This is a well known and documented fact from both secular and religious viewpoints.
Among the many differences between a man and a woman is their sexuality. Most married couples will have run into issues and conflict regarding these differences in sexuality.
Male sexuality is primarily characterized by physical intimacy. Men are aroused by a woman’s physical features, they desire to explore and touch the body of their partner… as often as possible and allowed. Men care less about a woman opening her heart than they do her opening up sexually.
Female sexuality on the other hand is characterized by emotional and relational intimacy. Women love to talk, open up, and explore their partners heart, thoughts and feelings. Women want a man who is as ready to talk as he is ready to take her clothes off.
Of course these are not rigid gender characteristics, there are exceptions and fluctuations, but if we are all being honest, most of us know that we follow fairly closely to the sexualities I have just described.
But there’s a problem. For too many years male sexuality has been vilified whilst female sexuality has been exalted. The underlying and even explicit message is that men need to conform to female sexuality of emotional and relational intimacy. If husbands would just be more like their wives, then marital harmony would ensue. This of course is a lie. But it is a lie that is constantly being fed into our culture.
Any suggestion that a wife should be more sexually available, more liberal in the bedroom or should see it has her responsibility to arouse, entice and please her husband is met with scoffs, dismissal and condemnation.
Meanwhile a steady stream of messaging, even within Christian circles, is that men need to be more emotionally and relationally driven in our sexuality and marital relationships. This is never met with much or any resistance, rather it’s met with a great big amen and so the war on male sexuality goes on.
I don’t disagree that men need to be emotionally, and relationally available to and for their wives. We absolutely do. But if the expectation is that men need to meet the innate needs of their wives in this way, it is no less noble, and certainly not sinful, to suggest that a husband can expect his wife to be sexually available and meet his innate needs.
Men and woman are different. that’s the way God created us. When we diminish one role and exalt another, the implication is that we believe God got it wrong. But he didn’t. A man’s sexuality and a woman’s sexuality, when deployed with the marital bounds God established, are to help us become exalted like him.
So husbands, let us start opening our hearts and souls more to our wives, and wives, start opening up sexually more to your husband. Both are good, noble and necessary. Neither is less important, and certainly neither is evil or sinful.
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This one didn’t quite set as well with me. Sorry! It would be impossible for a man to understand a woman’s feelings on this one (the same applies for a woman to understand a man’s feelings) But it’s too hard to try to explain in writing. 😩
True and true!!