My drug of choice.
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To the best of my knowledge I have never used an illegal substance, I have never tried smoking, alcohol or misused any prescriptive drugs. In this area of my life I am squeaky clean.
Not always, but often, people use substances to escape undesirable feelings. From what I can tell, most drugs, legal or otherwise do a pretty good job of momentarily easing or eliminating pain, suffering and emotions.
Life can be very hard. We all get knocked around in one way or another and it can be hard to open up, even to ourselves, in order to deal with and heal the hurt feelings and emotions that plague our lives and sometimes drive our behaviors.
One of the reasons, and it is not the only one, that I struggle with having too much excess weight is because when I start to feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, worried, stressed, sad, angry and just about any other big feeling, I am tempted to self-medicate in an attempt to escape by eating high-calorie, low-nutrient foods like french fries, bread and butter, or candy and soda.
Over the years I have gotten much better, I mask a lot less than I used to. Staying with a feeling and addressing it can prove very difficult and I am by no means perfect. But the more I try to work through my feelings, the less I binge eat rubbish to try and make myself feel good.
I think if we are all being honest, we all have our drug of choice. Of course some are much more harmful and destructive than others. But in some ways, whether it is food or vodka, the goal is the same.
I wouldn’t be surprised of everyone reading this who struggles with their weight can’t relate. Food is perhaps the most accessible and common drug available. When we are depressed we don’t need a prescription at the McDonalds drive thru. When we are feeling emotional, we don’t have to wait for a giant milkshake like we do for an appointment to see a therapist.
Lots of the foods we are marketed are deliberately designed to give a quick dopamine hit. And dopamine feels good. That’s why certain foods can be addictive. I have been guilty of looking at gaunt drug users and thinking that they look rough and what a sad situation to get in. A heroin addict isn’t identical to someone with a food addiction, but ultimately both destroy the body.
My dad once said that if you wanted to lose weight you should probably see a therapist, not a dietician. I don’t think he is far off. It’s true that what we eat makes us fat. But sometimes it is what is happening inside our hearts and minds that drives us to eat them that is the problem.
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