When church is challenging.
Sometimes church is painful.
Thought
Sometimes I depart church meetings on Sunday wishing I hadn’t gone. Today was one of those days. I am not even certain I have the words to vocalize the feeling. All I know is that as we pulled out of the car park to head home I felt worse than when we arrived. Maybe I am doing church wrong.
In part I know these feelings are born from knowing intimately the messes, struggles, burdens, insecurities and shortcomings of my own life and comparing my ‘perfect’ knowledge of self, to the outward perceptions I have of others. This leads to feeling inadequate, unwelcome, unneeded.
I look around sometimes and it feels like everyone else is succeeding in every arena where I find myself falling short; family, career, marriage, friendships, talents.
I know what is happening here, all these thoughts and feelings take my focus from Christ; but knowing this doesn’t seem to make it any easier to keep or regain focus.
I always wondered what people meant when they said that “church hurts”. Of course I can never know what that means for each person, but I do know that church is sometimes a painful place, at least for me.
Quote.
We have a strange illusion that mere time cancels sin.
- C.S. Lewis (The Problem of Pain, p.54)